been suffering deep nightmares again keeping me up at night,
there's not much i can do about them the only time my sleep is undisturbed
is when i share my bed with my gorgeous man when he cuddles me close to
him, feeling his heat and skin against mine thats the only time i can sleep
i only get to feel that at the weekends my week day sleep will remain haunted
and he leaves to the uk in just over two weeks and i just want to cry

been feeling so sad and down i don't ever understand my feelings or why i get
them looking through old emails seeing some raven and liam and my heart filled with
sadness at how distant things have grown between me and them when once
they were my best friends in the world
what happened? i cant help dwell on the friends lost even though at this point in my life
i should be happy engaged to an amazing bloke finally left the hell hole that was kings
and soon will be heading to college moving to the uk......thats where i wanted to be for
some time but my reasons for going are so different, back then it was to be with him
now its for college and to live with kris

so confusing i should be happy but im not.....

had an argument with kris last night made me feel like shit i feel awful for it i love him so
much and arguments hurt me i will be making it up to him friday

maybe i should let go of the friends i feel i lost do you think id be happier?